The One-eyed Wonder

This past week Tracy McGrady told the world that he is going to try out for the Sugar Land Skeeters, there are two definitions for skeeter, depending on if you search the real dictionary or urban dictionary. The images you have of T-Mac are from his days as one of the best basketball players of his era and from those shoes that you always wanted in 6th grade but couldn't afford. As stated previously, T-Mac was known for his ability to score at will in the mid-2000's and could do this, and by that I really mean this.

Now you're thinking, I thought Tracy McGrady had a lazy eye, how could he play baseball, which is also how you felt when Darius Rucker announced that he would be making country music songs. The good news is that he is trying out to be a pitcher, so he won't have to hit that often. Although it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world; A 1997 Washington Post profile wrote of how McGrady, as a 12-year-old Little Leaguer in Florida, would step to the plate, point to the fence and go deep. With several years of little league baseball experience where I got less playing time than anyone but the third base coach and having watched every single Kent Murphy instructional video on YouTube, I am without a doubt more qualified to tell you about this than Megyn Kelly is qualified to tell you about anything. 

At 6'8, T-Mac is the perfect height for a pitcher, just two inches shorter than Randy Johnson. Unfortunately that is the only similarity because T-Mac can't pull of the signature Randy Johnson mullet, unless of course he is going to channel his inner Lionel Richie. With a lazy eye, it will be easier for him to pitch than it was for Brett Favre to text pictures of his junk. The lazy eye will increase his ability to see peripherally. That means that anyone taking a big lead off of first base is going to get picked off, and nothing is more demoralizing to a base runner than base running errors. 

With one eye looking left and the other eye looking right, the batter will have no idea where the pitch is going. Now you're thinking, how can a guy who hasn't played baseball in 16 years throw anything other than a fastball? 

According to Kent Murphy, the key is to throw fastballs every pitch, because the only thing that happens when you throw curveballs and sliders is 500 ft dick slaps. If Jim Abbott can throw a no hitter with one hand, then Tracy McGrady can pitch with a lazy eye. He may only have one eye on us, but we have both eyes on him. Let's hope his career is longer than Bruce Willis' singing career.

The Hidden Gem of the NFL

Welcome to week 15 of the NFL season, While it's been a season to remember for Peyton Manning, the Seattle Seahawks and fast food restaurants in and around Andy Reid's location, it has been a season to forget for the Redskins, Texans and Falcons. It's also been a memorable year for the Oakland Raiders, who get to watch Marquette King do things that no one else has ever done.

Who is Marquette King you ask? If you've seen the Raiders play this year, you know that he is the second coming of Reggie Roby. Like Anson Carter playing Hockey and Darius Rucker singing country music (why Darius, why!), Marquette King is the only African-American punter in the NFL. He boasts a 4.58 forty which is faster than star wide receivers Kendall Wright and Steve Johnson and has the distinction of looking like the most athletic punter in the history of the NFL. The first time you see him line up to punt it will feel like that time when you realized you could delete your browsing history or when your girlfriend realized that New Kids on the Block were going back on tour. It's like finding out you were adopted and everything you were told about the world was wrong.

So far in 2013, the Raiders have gone 62/183 on third down which is only good enough for 28th in league. They have punted 73 times for a league leading average of 48.8 yards per punt.  If you had a punter who ran a 4.58 forty, why would you not run a fake at least 25% of the time? His ability as a punter would only accentuate his abilities as a runner.

The Raiders are among the league leaders in three and outs and their average time of possession is 2:30, which is near the bottom of the league just like their record. If they used at least one fake a week it could lengthen their drives and actually keep their fans engaged for more than the first month and a half of the season. With social media the way it is and a little more deserved notoriety, Marquette King has a bright future and should lead the league in jersey sales and become the most popular punter in the history of the NFL.

Keep Your Head Up Cleveland

Cleveland fans, proceed with caution as this blog post may result in deep stated depression.

Sports pick us up when our team wins, and crush our spirit when our team loses. Sports are where celebration and heartbreak meet and no city has dealt with more heartbreak than the city of Cleveland. From Ernest Byner's fumble on the 3 yard line in the 1987 AFC Championship game to Lebron's decision to take his talents to south beach. The city of Cleveland hasn't won a championship since the 1964 Cleveland Browns, the longest drought in professional sports, unless you include the Cleveland Indians from the 1989 film Major League.



With the Baltimore Ravens deciding to only pay Joe Flacco and the Pittsburgh Steelers aging 5 years in the offseason, 2013 was supposed to be a big year for the Browns. Another year with Brandon Weeden as the signal caller and Trent Richardson running over everyone, the Browns were thinking playoffs for the first time since 2007 when Derek Anderson lead the team to a 10-6 record, and that was before he got serious. During week two, Brandon Weeden left the game with an injured thumb and then the team decided to trade star running back Trent Richardson, which infuriated the fan base once again. Then they turned to home-grown Brian Hoyer who lead the team to back to back wins, before succumbing to an ACL tear in his third start. Despite all of these things, there is still hope for you Cleveland. And for the silver lining, we turn to the same thing we all turned to when we were kids, Walt Disney Movies.

The Mighty Ducks trilogy is easily the best trilogy ever distributed by Disney. If you don't know what the Mighty Ducks are stop reading this blog and go watch the movies. Actually, keep reading while watching the movie, because we need readers. The head coach of the Ducks is Gordon Bombay, a former rising NHL prospect who loses his touch, but not his love of alcohol. He started coaching (court ordered) a local pee wee team and lead them to the District Championship, before he grew the courage to give one more shot at the NHL. He was playing well and it was only a matter of time before he would be scoring goals in the NHL, until his career was cut short by a knee injury.
He came back home to Minnesota and lead the Ducks as team USA to the Junior Goodwill Games Championship.

Brian Hoyer's career is starting to look a lot like Gordon Bombay's, he finally got the chance to prove himself in front of the hometown fans before he suffered a season ending knee injury. So for Cleveland fans everywhere, let's hope the similarities don't stop there. If tearing his ACL ends Brian Hoyer's career like it did for Bombay, hopefully he will start coaching a Pee Wee Football team and ultimately give the City of Cleveland the Championship they have long been waiting for.

When Keeping up with the Kardashian's Goes Wrong

In today's 21st century where social media is expanding by the minute, it seems as though fame and fortune are the only things that matter. Everyone wants to be someone who people talk about. Those people are willing to do just about anything to get recognized. Whether it's Charles Ramsey saving lives or Felix Baumgartner jumping from outside the stratosphere, being famous is the driving force behind our actions.

If I asked you who Lamar Odom was in 2008, I'm betting 80% of you would have no idea. Fast forward to 2013 and Lamar Odom is probably the most recognizable name in professional basketball. The one thing that led to his worldwide fame is also the same thing that ruined his life, the Kardashians.

Pre- Kardashian Lamar was a sensational basketball player. At 6'10, he wasn't the proto-typical big man. He could stretch the floor with rain-dropping threes and guard just about anyone on the floor.  He was a steady and reliable presence wherever he played. But it all changed in 2009 when Lamar married OJ Simpson's daughter, Khloe Kardashian.

After they got married, Lamar really went downhill. Rob Kardashian made him lazy because all he did was sit around and play video games while eating Taco Bell every day. Kris forced Lamar to sit out the 2011-2012 season because she didn't approve of the Mavericks jersey color and style. Khloe would consistently and habitually yell at him and would even physically abuse him. His dad is constantly mooching, always asking for more money or a new car. The one person who actually helped Lamar, was the other athlete who was ruined by the Kardashians. Bruce Jenner won the 1976 Decathlon at the Olympics and was even drafted by the NBA's Kansas City Kings. He really taught Lamar what it took to be a champion and then he got out of there before he was forced to start doing drugs with the rest of the clan.

Sure marrying into the Kardashian family made Lamar Odom the most famous basketball player in the world, but it also ruined his life. Once they finally get divorced, Lamar will be able to turn the page and move on to bigger and better things. The best case scenario would be for Lamar to retire to Hawaii with Bruce where they can live free and enjoy the company of the one thing neither of them have had, a good father for Lamar and a stud athlete son that Bruce can be proud of.

The Legend of Bob "Huggy Bear" Huggins

September 21st represents the final day of an eventful summer. There was the birth of the royal baby in England, and to keep up, America's royal couple Kim and Kanye had a baby too. Then there was Miley Cyrus doing something stupid and Lindsay Lohan going back to rehab because she had separation anxiety.

September 21st is also a very important date, because it marks the 60 year anniversary of the greatest thing that ever happened to college basketball. 60 years ago, the modern day version of Robert Montgomery Knight was born. When asked who is the best coach in college basketball, you probably go with all-time wins and say Coach K or Jim Boeheim, or maybe you go with a trendy pick like Tom Izzo or John Calipari. They are all fine choices, but if you ask me, it has to be Bob Huggins. It has nothing to do with his 690 career wins or the fact that he has lead teams to the postseason in 25 of 28 years, but with how he interacts with his players.

When Huggy Bear recruits players out of high school he uses the same tactics that those players use on the girls at school. He leaves them feeling excited and optimistic after the first date and then never calls them again. He waits three days to return their calls and always mispronounces their names. But just like the girl in high school, they always commit and decide to follow him to college because they are convinced that one day he will change his mind and like them.

The first three weeks of practice are awkward because Huggy Bear only yells at them and calls them all by the same name, and because this is a family friendly blog I cannot say that name here. They also have to earn the right to wear shoes at practice, and they practice outside in the parking lot next to the bar because Huggy loves beer. He is notorious for throwing chairs and empty beer bottles at the players while they practice as a way to toughen them up.

Huggy tears his players down to size and treats them like they are nothing, and then builds them back up into the hard-nosed, tough-minded players that excel in his system. They learn to respect him and will do whatever it takes for the team to succeed, and in return he treats them like they are his kids. All of these things make Bob "Huggy Bear" Huggins the best coach in college basketball!

Blew Eyes (One Blew East, One Blew West)

This past week Tracy McGrady announced his retirement from the NBA. You're probably thinking to yourself that he retired in 2008. You're also probably thinking that Kim and Reggie are still together and that Tiger Woods is a family man. The last few years were a long way from the days when he was the only player on the Magic, or when he partnered with Yao to make one of the most dangerous 1-2 combos in the NBA.

You will remember him for his ability to dunk with the same ferocity that Kobayashi applies to eating hot dogs or the time he scored 62 points against the Wizards or the fact that he is Vince Carter's cousin, but not me. The thing I'll remember most about him was the same thing that made him so successful, his lazy eye.


For normal people having a lazy eye is a bad thing, but for a basketball player it is actually an advantage. Basketball is a game of deception, so if the opponent can't read your eyes to see where you are looking, they don't know what you're going to do. The lazy eye allowed him to see the floor in a different way. He never met a shot he didn't like. There could be three defenders in his face, but in his eyes they were three feet to the left. Sure there were games when people would say he was too selfish or he didn't look to make the open pass, but what those people don't realize is that having a lazy eye actually reduces your vision. So it's not that he didn't want to pass, it's that he couldn't see.

Tracy McGrady is the first NBA player in history to have more than 18,000 points, more than 5,000 rebounds and more than 4,000 assists with a lazy eye. Which should make him a lock for the hall of fame someday. Hall of Fame or not, he owes his whole career to his lazy eye, because without it he would have just been average.

The Efficiency of a Quarterback

With week one of the NFL season in the books, there were many impressive performances from the Quarterback position. What makes a QBs performance impressive? Is it passing yards? Touchdowns? No turnovers? All of those things are important, but the most important thing is efficiency. Today we look at Jay Cutler's form and show you why he is the most efficient on-field cigarette smoker in the NFL.

Jay Cutler is the only player in the NFL who has a cigarette pocket on the front of his jersey. Now the pocket is  2 inches below shoulder length on the left side of his chest.  He takes his right arm and bends at his elbow to a 55 degree angle across his chest. He removes the pack from his pocket at a speed of 8.2 miles per hour with a flight time of 3.1 seconds. The standard for holding a cigarette between your fingers is about 90% out and 10% in your mouth, but jay only leaves 85% out and 15% in, which allows him to be more efficient by enjoying more of the cigarette flavor. Then after placing the pack back in his pocket at a speed of 7.2 miles per hour and a flight time of 3.7 seconds, he lights the cigarette at a speed of 15 miles per hour. Once the cigarette is lit, he lifts his head up 78 degrees while raising his right eyebrow 1/4 of an inch and tensing his face to deliver that famous Jay Cutler douchey glare. All of these things enable Jay Cutler to be the most efficient on-field cigarette smoker in the NFL.

Join us next time as we honor the career of a former dunk champion and tell you why he had such a great career.